Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day

This day came with a lot of emotions for me.  I am obviously thrilled to be able to celebrate this year, with Jim and my family, the fact that we will have a baby in November...but there are other emotions that flooded this day as well.

Last year, Mother's Day wasn't a joyous one.  About a month earlier, I had just had my first miscarriage. I was angry that the Lord would allow that loss and while I knew all the right "church" answers-- you know the ones: The Lord still has a plan, He is not surprised by the loss of the baby, God is in control, He is the Sovereign Lord--it did not make that time any easier.  I didn't have a baby in my belly or on Earth.  I had one in Heaven.  Did this make me a mother or not? Was I allowed to celebrate this day or not? I didn't know. My family didn't know. It was a new experience for us all and we all just kind of pushed through the motions of Mother's Day, not mentioning much about me or the baby.  It was a tough day.

I remember not wanting to hide from church on that day but also not wanting to attend that day.  Not many people knew about our loss at that point because not many people knew we were expecting.  I sat through that service trying to hide the tears that were streaming down my face.

This year, while I was excited to celebrate-- I was also remembering the emotions I felt last year.  Jim and I have now lost 3 babies and so while today is a happy one-- one of excitement and anticipation, it is also a time that I remember our babies that are in Heaven.

I also am heartbroken for people who long to be mothers (and fathers) but only see a negative pregnancy test each month.  Jim and I have a special connection to families like this.  We know what that's like and we know the heartache that comes with that.  I am heartbroken for those mothers (and fathers) who have lost babies before they ever got a chance to see them. Especially for those parents who have yet to have the good news that we have had.  I know the hopelessness that is there in that time of loss and all you wonder is if you will ever get pregnant again...and stay pregnant.  I prayed specifically for these families today because Jim and I have been there.  We know the emotions, we know the heartache... but thankfully, we know the joy that there can be.

My sister-in-law, who had been through most of the same struggles I had been through, gave me the best piece of encouragement as I was waiting my time of joy--- she said "If the Lord has put the desire in your heart to be a mother, He will fulfill that desire".  At the time I didn't "buy in" to the words of encouragement fully, especially after the second and third miscarriage, but I can see the truth she spoke to me now.  I just wish I would have rested in that truth earlier.

So, here is my encouragement to anyone who might have had a less than joyous Mother's Day--- I will give the same encouragement that my sister-in-law gave to me.  If the Lord has given you the desire to be a mother---He will fulfill that desire.  We might not know what it will look like, and we definitely won't know what bumps and twists that the path will toss at us, but He will fulfill the desire in you.  Be encouraged through the sadness and know that while you might feel so alone in this season you are in---there are others that can relate to your feelings! Be encouraged. You are not alone!

Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.- Psalm 37:4

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